Qualities of a friend : how to make and keep friends

Could we live our lives without a friend? Would one true friend be enough? Do we need many friends? Answers to these questions differ depending on your understanding what friendship is and your need for social life. Some people sacrifice their need to communicate for religious purposes and lead a life of a hermit. Others close themselves from society due to psychological problems. Others search for friends and make friends on a daily basis. Understanding of friendship varies among different cultures and nations. Some people make friends easily, for others it takes years till they finally open up for friendship and more personal relationship. Anyway, it does not matter whether we cherish our need or try to hide it or even possibly destroy it we still all have a need for a friend.

Friendship is a something that does not come by chance. To make friends, keep them and deepen relationship with them one essential component should be present and that is trust. Friendships that are built on other foundations are usually short term and quite often very shallow. If you are a friend with somebody because you simply expect to benefit from the friendship that type of friendship will not last for a long time. You might as well call that simply ‘business relationship’ but not friendship. Friendship involves quite many things and it is tested very many times that is why trust should be present in any kind of friendship. When things go wrong, conflicts arise, gossip threatens to break up your friendship with your friend all you need is trust. In this way you will be able to make up after a row, reject gossip and rebuild relationship if it goes wrong for one reason or another.

All of us do stupid things from time to time, all of us occasionally fail in keeping promises to our friends and we need forgiveness from the people who are close to us. We also need to forgive our friends when they fail us in some ways. When I read some articles about qualities that true friends must have I get an impression that your friend has to be a perfect one. And if you want to be a true friend you must have all possible positive qualities. Those ideals are nice, however we are not perfect and we will never be able to have all of them. Those qualities can be developed with time, but if you expect your friend to be perfect I have some bad news for you: you will be disappointed. At some point something will happen which will offend you and you will have to make a choice to forgive or get disappointed and quit your friendship. You decide which way you will go. I guess it would be honest on your part to be perfect if you expect perfect friends. Is that possible? You know the answer. So, if you want to preserve your friendship when things go wrong one essential quality which will save your relationship is forgiveness. It rebuilds relationship. It allows other people to make mistakes. It does not impose impossible requirements on other people.

Demands

Friendship is a union, relationship between two or more people which is based on good will. People make their own choices whether they want to be friends with somebody or not. Demands destroy friendship. Why? Because demands belong to other kinds of relationships, but they cannot effectively be practiced among friends. Whatever we do for our friend or whatever our friend does for us, it has to be done without any pressure and it must be done willingly. Other motives do not contribute to the development of friendship but for its destruction.

I understand that there are many more good things that are necessary in friendship and many more bad ones that can break up relationship between friends, but I wanted to focus on the points which I find very important at the moment. I guess I will write more on the subject but as for this article, I think I have written enough. Let me finish it with a few quotes about friendship.

All of us humans tend to be egoistic and think only about our needs. We are too much self-focused. Egoism is probably the most difficult quality that must be uprooted and self-sacrifice is the one that has to be cherished but is the most difficult to develop. I genuinely believe that if we want to attract friends into our lives we have to learn to give. We have to learn to pay attention to the problems of the people we want to be friends with. I believe you have already heard the saying:” A friend in need is a friend in deed”. That’s how a true friendship is measured. A friend is there when you need him/her and you are there for you friend when he/she needs you. You might neglect your plans, pleasures, time in order to take care after your friend. It is your choice and decision because you want to keep close ties with that person. And in reality, we should not be afraid to give ourselves to other people. I know there are lots of people who would abuse kindness of others, but we should always remember eternal principal:”give and it shall be given unto you”. Whatever we give, we will get it back, be it kindness, time, attention or even material things. And don't forget to tell your friends that you love them. Words and communication of love are necessary to keep relationship going.

1. He or she should share the same interests as you have. It is impossible to be friends with somebody who is not interested in things you are interested in.

2.Loyalty is a character feature that is obligatory in friendship. If you are not loyal to your friend and your friend is not loyal to you, what kind of friendship is it?

3. He/she must be an optimist. Maybe it is not a quality that you expect in a friend, but as I am deeply interested in positive thinking and positive attitude I believe your friend has to be an optimist. And you should cherish positive thinking too.

4. A friend should be a good listener. What's the point being friends with a person who always speaks and never listens. If somebody is not able to listen but speaks all the time that person thinks only about himself and does not care about you.

5. A true friend should not envy when you succeed. He should be happy about it.

6. A friend should be open with you and never lie. It's better a bitter truth than a sweet lie.

1. Be friendly with others. You should not expect others approach you with a friendly offer. Be the first to break the ice. If you are not very sociable and shy you will have to work on the lines.

2. Try to get around with those who have similar interests as yours. It is natural to form relationships with people that share common interests. It will be easier to keep friendship with this kind of people as well.

3. Be who you really are. Being natural helps you to form natural and also true relationships. It is difficult to be somebody else for a long time. You want to be valued for who you are. So be yourself and allow others to be themselves. ‘Pretending’ in friendship does not work for a long time.

4. Invite people out. Ask them to go with you to the cinema, park, supermarket, café and etc. It would be a big step on your behalf to form friendly relationship with people.

“To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world”

Brandy Snyder

A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.

Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.

And one more final thing: if you want to find out one very important thing that will help you to make friends and keep friendship I recommend you to read my article about attitude.